Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Teaching is a selfish profession

School teachers are probably good people mostly. They give up their chance at a striving world- crushing career to tie shoelaces and listen to whining children for what can be a lot of stress and not a lot of money. I however am in the profession for all the selfish gain I can get.

As a student there was one particular teacher who I looked up to like a hero; I was twelve and I admired his basketball skills; his jokes; his eminent coolness and his goatee (which in hindsight was a childish and immature reason for thinking someone was the best thing since plate glass). I did look up to him and he gave me advice which I ate like Weet- Bix on any given afternoon and which subsequently changed the course of my life.

When I was in university studying to be a primary school teacher and people would press me as to why I wanted to be a teacher I would cite the influence of this teacher and that I much like him wanted to influence lives for the better. However this is simply not true and now I realise that I just want children to look up to me in the same way that I did that teacher: I want the credit for changing lives. Since realising this and also that teaching is a bad way to get glory these days (the internet does a much better job than me) I have devised a list of ways a could satiate my glory- hungry personality:
  1. Grow an insanely big beard. My friend had a huge one once upon a time and had admirers come from all over the pub to gawk and compliment; admittedly he hated it.
  2. Learn CPR and hook up with that guy from Choke*. This way I can save his life everytime he decides to fake- die and we both win.
  3. Decide once and for all to be an actual writer and commit to submitting articles or simply writing something with a little continuity and depth so I become published famous and interviewed.
  4. Act crazy all the time. Crazy people get lots of attention and praise in modern day society just look at Richard Branson and the bird from Crystal Castles.
  5. Become a social photographer (no justification required).
That is all.

*A book by Chuck Palahniuk; read it.

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