Captain Neckbeard

Recently I was having a conversation with Paul and we talked about our lame-o-ness in the beard growing / manliness department as both of us can only grow the lowly neckbeard. Paul remarked that he was "Captain Neckbeard" which made me wonder "what rank would I hold as a filthy neckbearded pirate?"

Obviously there would be no Captains who could only grow neckbeards unless they were in charge of a whole neckbeard pirate ship which would either be a savage set of red flag flying bloodthirsty psychos (angry at society and their fathers for their bad beard growing genes); or they would be the ugliest and most underconfident seamen to ever sail.

Either way; I think that on a pirate ship I would probably be "Hey You!" be it a neckbeard ship or not. I've never punched anyone square in the face before and I think that would be a prerequisite to getting some kind of reasonable respect. However I am looking to increase my pirate rep so watch your face.